One Year and all the Feelings.

A year ago, at this time, I was sitting in the Denver airport, waiting for my last flight on my journey home from England. This last year has been....a lot. Some new challenges. Some old challenges. Trying to understand other people's perspectives on things, and also trying to get people to understand my perspective on things. Trying to be the best person I can be. Trying to work through some of my own issues. Struggling, some days, to "keep my head above water" so to speak. Some days I wake up and get out of bed, and that's the best I can do. I need that to be okay. A lot of times I still find it hard to speak my mind, because some people get mad at me when my views on certain things are different than theirs. I'm trying to get past caring about that. I'm working on being brave enough to share my views on things, even if I am the only person in a group that feels a certain way. Trying to just hold on to the fact that if a thing feels wrong to me, it feels wrong to me, and that's just how it is. I still find it hard to ask people for what I need. It's a thing I'm working on, and hopefully someday it will get easier. I love being back in Montana. Montana is my home. But I miss England. I miss my Nuns. I miss the church where I worked there, I miss the people that I met there. I miss the amazing public transportation, and I miss the ability to just hop on a train and go pretty much anywhere. I miss the other YAGMs that were in England with me. I've been isolating myself a bit, and it's also hard to find time to spend with the friends that I love, especially the ones that live out of town. It's like....I need people. I know that I need people. I need my friends. But I'm also afraid of that. It's complex. I'm an introvert, so I need my alone time, but....also I need my friends. So I apologize if I haven't been a great friend this year. I'm sorry if I have kind of disappeared. But just know that I'm trying. It might not seem like it sometimes, but I AM trying. I'm trying so hard to just....do more than just exist.