The world is a chaotic place. There are a lot of good things about the world. Which is important to remember. There are also a lot of frightening things about the world. And that can get overwhelming. Living with depression is hard. Depression in winter is harder. Not enough sunlight, leading to not enough vitamin D. Politics is....people are like, "don't take politics personally." Well, the politics affect some of us on a very personal level, so...how am I supposed to not take politics personally? Racism is still a thing that exists in the world. So is homophobia. And misogyny. And so many other forms of prejudice. Victim blaming. I try to do what I can to affect change, but most of the time I don't even know where to start. I've actually stopped speaking up when certain subjects come up, because I get tired of getting yelled at when I express things that are different than how other people see them. Sometimes I feel like my thoughts aren't valued, or even wanted. I haven't even written anything since sometime last year, because I couldn't figure out how to articulate what I've been feeling. I still can't really even figure it out. But when the sun is out, and the sky is blue, and the snow is white, and it's beautiful, that makes me feel better. When I remember to take my vitamins everyday, that makes me feel better. Having people that actually listen to what I have to say, makes me feel better. But sometimes it's okay to not be okay. It's okay to fall apart when I need to. It's okay if the best I can do sometimes is just get out of bed and go to work. Even if other people don't get it. It's okay. Sometimes I feel really fragile. Sometimes it's all I can do to just hold it together. Sometimes I feel like a burden to those around me, and I don't talk about how I feel. I need to be better about that. I'm better at writing about my feelings, than I am at actually speaking about them. Which is why I write. But sometimes it's too much, and I can't write. The words won't come. Anyways, I'm done rambling for today. I'm just keeping up the fight.
