Difficult Feelings

I heard this poem over the weekend, while I was at the Young Adults in Global Mission Re-entry retreat. I heard this poem, and I felt comforted. One line that specifically sticks out is "Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine." I'm not very good at talking about the less than good things in my life. Coming back to this corner of the world has been hard. I spent almost a year living in a place that had all kinds of diversity, cultural, racial, sexual orientations, what have you, and it's been difficult returning to a place that isn't very diverse, through no fault of its own, that's just how it is. I have found that most people that I know here, have views on things that are pretty much the opposite to my own, and I have just been quiet a lot. I'm not sure how to use my voice in a place where no one seems to be listening, where no one seems to get why certain things bother me. You can only be told that you're wrong, or that you're overreacting, or that you're being oversensitive, so many times before you just stay quiet about things. It lowers self worth. However, I do know that there are people around here who do share my feelings about things, I just haven't had the chance to talk to them yet. When I went to the Re-entry retreat this weekend, I felt like I could breathe again. I felt like I belonged there, it felt like coming home. It felt good to be with people who share my passion for changing the way things are. It felt good to be with people who get me, who value me, who don't tell me I'm overreacting, or wrong, or being oversensitive when I express my fears and concerns. I felt alive, really alive, for the first time in a while, and I hope that, eventually, I can find that feeling here, because I'm going to be here for a while. It felt good to share experiences, and stories, and just to reconnect with those who I saw for the last time a few months ago, and those who I saw for the last time more than a year ago. It felt good to remember that I am a part of something bigger than myself, and now I need to explore ways to change the way I feel here.