Two Months

October 9th marked two months. Two months since my Mom died. During that time we have gone through her stuff, I have gone back to work, and I moved out of the apartment that I lived in with my Mom for the last year. Every day is different. Every moment is different. Sometimes I still expect her to walk through the door. The next few months are going to be especially hard. She loved Halloween, she loved all the holidays. She loved spending time with the family. I was so glad that so many of her family and friends got to come and say goodbye to her, when she was in hospice. Making the decision to put her into hospice...signing that piece of paper was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. I am still just feeling my way through this, and I will be for a long time. In the course of my life I've learned that grief is the price of love. Somedays I feel like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz..."Now I know I have a heart, because it's breaking." Two months feels like so long ago, but also, not long at all. Time moves very weirdly. I think my Mom listens to us though. I was talking to my Grandma on Thursday, about how much I loved the show "The Nanny" and that I was sad that it isn't on anymore....and then last night I turned on the tv and "The Nanny" was on. I don't think that was coincidental. So this is where I am. These are the feelings that I am feeling. Some moments are harder than others right now. It is what it is.